Guys, is your clock ticking? According to the “Today Show,” it should be.

Men have a biological clock, too, according to the segment. As men get older, they can pass on an increased risk of autism, Down’s Syndrome and a variety of other genetic disorders.

When will this happen? How common is it? Don’t look to “Today” for those minor details. They’re asking three random men whether they believe there’s such a thing as a men’s biological clock rather than assuaging your fears, which they induced.

Jenna Bush is all grown up now and has a book coming out about an HIV-positive woman in Panama.

Is this image control, publicity for the former party girl who embarrassed the president (as if he needed any help)? Today asked a book publisher — it was unclear whether this was her publisher or a randomly selected publisher — if this was the case, and the publisher responded no, of course not, Jenna Bush has genuinely grown up and written a serious book.

But was this her publisher?

On a side note, a Denver TV station caught the rescue of a dog that had fallen through ice on video. This happens a lot out here, people and dogs, sometimes both, fall through the ice of a pond, lake or reservoir. But there was video of this one, so “Today” had a live interview with the dog owner, her happy pooch and the firefighter who rescued Fido.

We couldn’t figure out what the big deal was, and neither could the firefighter. He kept insisting that it wasn’t that dangerous, that they regularly train for this kind of rescue.

But weren’t you risking your life? Ann asked him.

“Look, he has a special suit and a rope tied to him,” Jeremy said.

“No, it’s really not that dangerous for us,” the firefighter insisted.

(I don’t want to negate the firefighter’s role here, because they do put their lives on the line on a daily basis for, oh, people who can’t control their dogs, which requires them to be incredibly brave AND incredibly patient and understanding.)

Minutes after the segment ended, I opened up our Daily Camera and found a picture of a woman hugging and kissing her blanket-wrapped golden retriever. The caption read:

“Emily Raymond, 24, of Boulder, kisses Sam, a golden retriever and one of three dogs who fell through the ice around the edge of Boulder Reservoir on Tuesday.”

Another dog owner fell through trying to save one of the other three dogs. A fellow dog walker with a Jeep and a tow rope saved her.

Of course, there were no pictures of the civilian rescue, just the happy-ending shots. Will Jeep guy be on the Today Show? Doubt it.

Good Monday morning! Yesterday was a beautiful day in Colorado, warmer, achingly blue skies, and today promises to be even more gorgeous. And how did we start this lovely day? A cup of coffee, a bagel, and a 90-plus pound ovarian cyst on our television.

Okay, it is an interesting story, a medical anomaly, a cyst for the record books. They had to show it, because the visual impact was indisputable. But at 8 a.m., munching on our bagels, waiting for the java to sink in, did they have to keep showing it over and over? It was a huge red pod-thing out of Aliens, something Sigourney Weaver would attack with a futuristic flame thrower before the mother alien shows up to defend her unborn young.

Today, you did not pass the Cheerios test today. Or the bagel test.

Today, Today did a segment on Second Life. The other day, Today did a segment on Second Life.

Seeing double?  Well, the only difference I could see is that this time, they made an Avatar (Second Life character) of Matt.

Next week, they’ll do a segment on Second Life. Maybe it will have an Avatar of Al.

This morning, Today ran a segment out of the UK about an 8-year-old who weighs nearly 200 pounds. His parents feed him a snack every 20 minutes. Apparently there’s talk of making these kinds of situations legally punishable as a form of child abuse.

Then, Today teased a segment on women who were anorexic in their youth and still struggle…and Today followed this tease with a shot of several men gathered around a giant fondue pot. Yes, they’re making a 1,200-pound fondue, right there on the show.

Which disorders are we watching here: eating, or bipolar?

For some inexplicable reason, I keep watching the Today Show, despite the fact that it puts my panties in a bunch nearly every day. But I realized this might be the perfect outlet for my daily outrage over the “news” on Today.

Occasionally, I’ll turn on CNN out of frustration, but the last time I did that I was outraged by their anchor’s embarrassing lack of knowledge of climate change. (“Global warming? But we’re having blizzards!” The scientist patiently explained, earning himself sainthood.)

Today, Today ran a segment about fame and celebrities that sent me over the edge. Tabloids have grown while news magazines remained stagnant, they said. High school kids want to be famous more than they want to be smart or strong or pretty, they said. We’re obsessed with celebrities, they said.

What did they tease at the end of this segment? Red carpet fashion you can afford!

Well, I can’t accuse them of moralizing.